Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
