I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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