She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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