Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize