; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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