K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
even my farts smell like vagina
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
