I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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