you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
