Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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