you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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