Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize