He uses pillows to masturbate.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I touched a dick in church today
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
