would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
