Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you still have your period?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
