She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
