I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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