Apparently you make a good broom.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
