oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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