just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
