So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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