Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
