her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
