Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
