We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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