put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
