like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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