This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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