I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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