walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Are we still banned from the library?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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