How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
