so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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