So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
