I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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