sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
