But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
