i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
