yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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