I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
