I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
