dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
