There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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