you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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