I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
