he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
