I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize