My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You were trust falling into bushes
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
