I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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