It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
