i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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