that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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