Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
