you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
