dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
