last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
