Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You are a genius and a whore.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
