she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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