Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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