I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize