I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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