on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
