my mouth tastes like poor choices
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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