I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
